Are there shifts in the cosmos every seven years? Astroglogists say these shifts not only exist, but that they influence the energy in our lives. Seven is an important number. Shakespeare wrote about the seven stages of man. There are seven continents, seven seas, seven colors in a rainbow, seven days in the week, seven notes on the musical scale, seven deadly sins, seven seals of God. There are seven directions (up, down, left, right, center, forward, backwards). The world was built in seven days, and scientists say that human cells replace every seven to ten years. Seven seems to be a pretty important number. I could buy that my I experience a life shift every seven years. I kind of like the idea of my life being in cycles rather than it being linear, anyway. This seems much more optimistic. If I look at each seven years as a grouped cycle of my life, I can see things with more clarity. If I chart the beginning of my running journey, I see that it began in a cycle of my life where I started a new job and it carried me through my kids getting to junior high age where they were much more self-sufficient and I had more time on my hands to explore running. I was in a volatile marriage and I was witnessing the effects it was having on my girls. In terms of running, I mastered the 5K, 10K, half marathon, and achieved a BQ in the marathon. In terms of my personal life, I mustered up the courage to go through a divorce and begin making a much more happy, peaceful home.
| 1. | 35 years old | 2012 | started a new job, started running, kids are in elementary school 5ks: 23:43 (7:38 pace) 23:47 (7:39 pace) |
| 2. | 36 years old | 2013 | 10ks and half marathons52:38 (8:28) 1:59:3953:39 (8:38) 1:59:3249:25 (7:57) |
| 3. | 37 years old | 2014 | half marathon 1:57:37 and began training for a full marathon |
| 4. | 38 years old | 2015 | 1st marathon |
| 5. | 39 years old | 2016 | 2nd marathon, 1st triathlon, kids are in junior high school |
| 6. | 40 years old | 2017 | 3rd marathon, 2nd triathlon, placed in age group in nearly every race entered, |
| 7. | 41 years old | 2018 | 4th marathon, joined Bay Area Fit, 1st sub 4 hour marathon, 1st BQ, kids are in high school, went through a divorce |
I am currently in the midst of the second seven year cycle of my running journey. This cycle has been all about enjoying this life. The girls are currently late teen age … one in college, one finishing high school. I ran two world major marathons, experienced the torture of a virtual marathon twice, and by the end of this cycle I will have both kids out of high school, possibly one almost ready to graduate college. I might even be ready to attempt a BQ again for the 50-54 year old age for the 2027 Boston Marathon. Hopefully this cycle will see more world marathon majors. It will definitely see more national park visits and fun destination runs.
| 1. | 42 years old | 2019 | 1st world major marathon, 2nd and 3rd sub 4 hour marathon |
| 2. | 43 years old | 2020 | 1st virtual marathon, remarried |
| 3. | 44 years old | 2021 | 2nd virtual marathon, 1st national park visit |
| 4. | 45 years old | 2022 | 2nd world major marathon |
| 5. | 46 years old | 2023 | |
| 6. | 47 years old | 2024 | kids are out of high school |
| 7. | 48 years old | 2025 | could attempt a 50-54 year old BQ |
| 1. | 49 years old | 2026 | |
| 2. | 50 years old | 2027 | |
| 3. | 51 years old | 2028 | kids should be out of college |
| 4. | 52 years old | 2029 | |
| 5. | 53 years old | 2030 | could attempt a 55-59 year old BQ |
| 6. | 54 years old | 2031 | |
| 7. | 55 years old | 2032 |
So, now that I have taken a look at the many accomplishments I have made in my running journey, it is time to take a hard look at my extreme fear of failure and how it is affecting my marathon performances.
To back up a little, let’s get some definitions to some key words down on the page.
fear= distressed emotion aroused by a threat, whether real or imagined
control= to command, dominate
earned= to acquire through merit deservedly
given= bestowed without any particular effort or without being earned
imposter syndrome= doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud; failing to accept accomplishments & be deserving of accolades
emotion= feelings of fear, sorrow, joy, love, etc.
thought= idea, notion
belief= opinion or conviction
doubt= uncertainty, hesitation to believe
Self-doubt and a lack of confidence is self-sabotage. Currently I have a tape running in my head of negative self talk. I am constantly overthinking running and my performance instead of just running and doing what I have trained to do. I am scared. I have fear. This is actually not a bad thing at all. From what I have gleaned from the research I’ve done on this topic, self-doubt and fear are a very natural part of racing. This is actually where the magic is. If I always knew I could achieve my goals, it would mean my goals weren’t challenging or exciting enough. It isn’t that I need to get rid of every pressure, fear, or basically any negative emotion, it’s actually not that at all. Instead I need to face and embrace my fears, and in so doing I will have let go of the need to control them. On this same note, the idea of thought “suppression,” is silly. If I were to tell someone, “don’t think about a white elephant,” well, chances are ALL you’d be able to think about would be a white elephant. This is just how the brain works. In this case it isn’t a white elephant I’ve been trying to avoid, it’s been my inner pessimist that tells me that any successes I’ve had have all been flukes. Just small little miracles that were bestowed upon me without my having to earn them. So, this right here … this tape on loop saying things like, “you can’t hold this pace. You may have done this several times before, but that was a different time. You can’t possibly do that again. Those were crazy, lucky flukes,” is what I need to pause and address. Let’s pause the tape and let’s start thinking about my accomplishments in running. I earned these accomplishments. They were earned and not given.
So, the previous charts of seven year cycles and my accomplishments is there in black and white for me to look at any time I need a reminder of what I have worked very hard to accomplish. It’s time for me to stop letting my fear paralyze me. It’s time for me in that moment of extreme doubt to ask myself, “what’s the worst that can happen? what’s the best case scenario?” Whatever actually happens, it will all be okay. Maybe I need to replace all of the “I can’ts” with “I choose not to.” For instance, It’s not “I can’t hold this pace,” it’s more like “I choose not to hold this pace.” The simple fact is that it’s extremely difficult to reason my way through feelings, so I need to stop trying to do that. Instead, I need to accept the reality of whatever outcome my negative voice says is coming, but have my actions reflect the opposite. For example, if my negative voice tells me I’ll blow this marathon because I’m a bad runner, remind myself that I am a great runner who has accomplished many great things, and instead approach the marathon with confidence.
So whether shifts in the cosmos actually do occur every seven years or not, there is no denying that our lives can change drastically over the years. It has been quite interesting to review my seven year cycles and how my life has taken twists and turns. Life is precious and fleeting. My worth is not determined by the time on a race clock. Sometimes I will be so close, but not quite there. Sometimes I will miss the mark completely. Sometimes, the stars will align and everything will go perfectly. The point is never to give up, to never quit the fight. Only time will tell how my remaining seven year cycles will play out exactly, but one thing I can control is my response to my self-doubt and fear. Those things are there and they will always be there. These are natural feelings for any athlete who cares about their sport. The magic is in my response. It’s really all up to me.
Lonestar Run Girl 